


Rainbows and Unicorns

by derryderrydown



Category: British Comedian RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-02
Updated: 2010-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:30:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derryderrydown/pseuds/derryderrydown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the anonymeme prompt: Brooker is somehow turned into a unicorn. He is incredibly unimpressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainbows and Unicorns

David Mitchell was somewhat surprised when he answered the door to a bloody great white horse with a horn on its head and a rather exuberant mane.

He was even more surprised when the horse shoved him out of the way and marched into his flat like it was perfectly entitled to be there.

"Shoo," David said, knowing as soon as he opened his mouth that it was going to be completely ineffectual.

The horse (okay, admit it, _unicorn_) turned its neck to give him a flat look, rolled its eyes and walked determinedly through to the living room.

After a moment, David shut the front door and followed it.

The unicorn was biting at the contents of his bookshelf. Then it tried pawing (hoofing?), before poking its horn into the books. That wasn't _entirely_ successful, because the horn was sharp enough that the unicorn ended up with a book's spine speared on its horn.

"Um," David said. "Was there a particular book you wanted?"

The unicorn put its head down and knocked the book off with its hoof. The book was _The Hell of it All_.

"Well, I can't criticise your taste."

The unicorn used its horn to point deliberately at the picture of Charlie Brooker on the front of the book, and then at its own flank.

"Charlie Brooker sent you?"

The unicorn sighed heavily and repeated the gesture, slower and more emphatically.

"You... You _are_ Charlie Brooker?"

The unicorn nodded its head enthusiastically.

"Well, at least that means you aren't going to crap on my carpet," David said. "I was a little worried about that." He paused. "And about the fact that I'm apparently hallucinating one of my friends being turned into a unicorn."

The unicorn shoved past him to get to the wall and, with its - his - rather strong and sharp horn, started to carve words into the plaster.

"Oh, come off it, Charlie!" David said. "Can't I give you some paper and, I don't know, sellotape a pencil to your horn?"

The unicorn ignored him and carried on writing. It had got as far as, "Not a fucking hallu-" when David's doorbell rang.

"Just - hold off on the writing for a few minutes, okay? And keep out of sight," David said, and went to answer his door.

There was an RSPCA inspector standing there. "Good morning," she said. "We've had reports of a large, white horse in your flat. Do you mind if I have a chat with you about the best way to care for your animals?"

 


End file.
